How to piss off random KHR! characters
by Daitsuke-kun
Summary: How to piss off random Katekyo Hitman Reborn! characters show hosted by Daitsuke-kun. Updates weekly! #2: How to piss off Hibari Kyouya.
1. 01

~How to piss off random Katekyo Hitman Reborn! characters by Daitsuke-kun~

#1.

"How to piss off Squalo Superbia"

Varia HQ. A room with big windows and soft armchairs. Several pictures of something here and there. A Vongola symbol carved into the bricks of an unlit fireplace. And someone whose gender is too hard to distinguish at first sitting on the floor playing PSP.

- Damn Metal Gear Solid… I can't beat the stupid boss… - the person on the floor mumbles in annoyance. By the tone of the voice it may be a girl… But the possibility of…It… Being a boy can't be excluded…

Suddenly the sound of the door opening can be heard and someone comes in.

- Oi, Daitsu? It's you in here… - Says someone in a familiar monotone voice.

The person on the carpet shuts the console down hurriedly.

- Hey, Fran. Is it already_ that_ time?

- Yes. Lussuria will be here shortly with the camera.

- Good – Evil laughter can be heard. – Let's get this started, then!

* * *

- Ohaio, minna! It's finally "this time" with Daitsuke Hibari, and by this time you all sure know what I mean! It means it's time for "How to piss of the "Katekyo Hitman Reborn!" characters! – The person that was earlier playing PSP was now sitting on the sofa, dressed only in a long black and red striped shirt that barely covered his knees and the sleeves were so long that the hands couldn't be seen either. The person wore red eyeglasses and had short red hair, and again… It's gender couldn't be properly distinguished. Well, let's settle for a "he" for now, shall we? So, he was smiling brightly and was probably in a good mood… Which actually was suspicious…

- Oi, Daitsu… What actually is Katekyo Hitman… Whatever?.. – asked Lussuria, while holding the camera and in the same time trying to fix his hair (Like there is something to fix, ishi-ishi-ishi… - Belphegor's note. Like there was a need to write who said that after the laughter…).

Daitsu sweatdropped, but immediately regained himself, smiling even more brightly.

- Never mind that, Lussuria, it's just words. I don't even know what I'm saying! So, today is the start of the ultimate show!.. – suddenly he frowned, slightly touching his sunglasses. – Hey, I think I told Fran to make a sign for the show…

That's when Fran ran in, carrying a huge sign with the words "How to piss off Katekyo Hitman Reborn! characters show! Hosted by Daitsuke Hibari." Faint letters suspiciously resembling something like "Haru Haru's dangerous interview" could be seen.

Daitsuke frowned once again, folding his arms on his chest. Fran put the sign on the wall with an indifferent face.

- Where did you get that? – Daitsu pointed at the sign.

- That weird boy gave me it…

- Weird boy?

- Yeah… His hair was so imperfect that if Bel-sempai saw him once he would've smothered himself… And I think his name was somewhat fishy…

Daitsuke yawned.

- Okay, never mind that… Let's just continue the show… Fran, would you please just go somewhere so you won't be getting in the camera's view?.. – the "friendly" host was getting easily irritated.

- Yosh, yosh… I'll just go find Bel-sempai or something… - Murmured Fran, closing the door and vanishing.

- Finally, we'll be starting the show! Soooo… Guess what!? Today's subject is… - the drums suddenly could be heard. – How to piss off Squalo Superbia!

The drums stopped dramatically at the highest point, and Daitsu smiled self-lovingly. Lussuria made a very "man-like" squeal (of excitement or horror… Who knows?..)

- Yes, you heard me right! Today we will show you how to piss Squalo Superbia, the first-class swordsman who beat 100 best sword masters of this era, who mastered the enormous amount of sword styles… - A smile was slowly leaving Daitsu's face. – You know, now I don't think it's a good idea to piss him anymore…

- What? Talk louder, I can't hear you! – yelled Lussuria from the corner.

- That's because you didn't put a microphone on my shirt! – said Daitsu. – Or did Xanxus again break all the microphone sets we had!? Yare yare, I swear this guy has some sort of a vendetta against microphones… - Daitsuke shook his head.

- No, there's one, here! – Lussuria threw a microphone and Daitsu clipped it to his striped shirt.

- Okay, one-two-three, one-two-three… I guess it's working well. Then, ohaio minna once again, sorry for this little technical delay… I hope you didn't film all that crap, did you?..

Lussuria sweatdropped.

- Well, actually… I did… But it's nothing that I can't fix! I mean we'll cut it later! – the cameraman shook his hands furiously in an apologetic gesture (as he thought).

- Don't do this, you'll break the camera! – yelled Daitsu. – Anyway… No more delays! Show must go on! Please welcome – the "stupid captain" of the Varia – Superbia Squalo!

The door nearly broke as someone (guess who?) opened it carelessly with his foot with all his might. Lussuria girlishly "ah!"-ed, changing the view immediately, and Daitsuke clapped his hands twice.

- VROOOOOI! What's all this going on here!? – the white-haired swordsman stepped (More like stormed – Fran's note. He was nearly knocked out, poor froggie…) inside the room, his trusty sword in his hands as usual.

- Hey, Squalo. Please take a seat. – Daitsuke smiled politely, but in quite a fake manner. It more reminded of a Barbie dolls mouth… Creepy…

Squalo fell on the sofa that was near Daitsu's chair, his long hair touching the floor.

- VROOOOOOI, I heard from that crap of a prince some show was going on here…

Immediately three knifes flew through the opened window in the direction of Squalo's head, but the swordsman merely blocked them with his weapon, yawning.

- That's right… Anyways, Squalo, first question – what pisses you off?

- The baseball brat of course. – Answered the best swordsman without even a thought.

- Why do you hate him?

- 'Cause he's a brat. – The short answer made Daitsu blink in confusion, fixing his glasses. Anyways, as his goal was to piss Squalo (which is, considering his temper, will soon be accomplished – Levi's note. I think he especially hates Squalo for some reason… Maybe because his beloved Xanxus made Squalo captain and not him?.. Who knows…) so he decided to pry.

- It's the only reason? – asked Daitsu. And was immediately nearly left deaf after the answer.

- VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI, being a brat in not enough for a reason!? I hate everyone 'cause everyone are brats!

- Xanxus too? – Daitsu was actually afraid to ask more quiestions as his ears were already ringing from Squalo's ultra loud voice… He swore he even heard windows shattering…

- He's the most obnoxious brat of all brats I hate him the most! – Squalo's answer made Daitsu sweatdrop, but for the sake of the show Daitsu decided to be brave… For once.

- Say, Squalo… Why is your hair so long and girly?..

There was an awful silence, until…

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA No! No! Please don't! Gomen! G-gomen, Squalo-san, please take your sword away from my neck I s-still have to run the s-show…

_The scene can wound young minds, so we can't possibly let you see it. The way of Squalo's threatening can damage your psyche badly__. Please stand by, don't run away or turn off your computers. _

"_Kangaroos are your best friends! Visit your local zoo and join a boxing club for more details! – The image of Ryohei hugging a kangaroo appears, and suddenly it changes to Rick Astley singing. Words "You've been Rick-rolled!» appear with a congratulation salute. _

_~ Now back to the show ~_

Squalo is still lying on the sofa with a dark face, playing with his sword. Daitsu is sitting in the corner, hugging his knees and apparently?.. Crying?..

- VROOOOOOOOOOI, stop crying like a little girl! It's your fault for asking such questions! My hair isn't girly, it's just long because I won't cut it until someone beats me!

- B-but Yamamoto beat you when you were fighting over the Vongola rings so…

- VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROI! That brat didn't beat me!

- B-but…

- What's your next stupid question!? Ask it already and I'll go! I have job to do, brat!

Daitsu wipes his eyes and sniffes.

- Squalo… Is it true that you stole your image from Sephiroth?.. I mean you look so alike and your hair is practically identical and… You're both kinda villains…

- Who the hell is this Sephiroth guy!?

- H-here… - Daitsu climbed to his knees, opened Google on his nothebook, typed something and showed something (probably a picture) to Squalo.

"…"

- I'm totally pissed! Some stupid guy from some crappy game is stealing my looks!!! I'm gonna find him and cut him to pieces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- But Squalo… He's the game character… - Daitsu tried to say but was ignored, of course.

- I don't care! I'll still find this Sephi-what's-his-name and beat him even if he's from that crappy game…

- But Final Fantasy VII is actually a good game…

- I don't care! I'll still find him! Where is he!?

- I think Square Enix might know…

- VRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI! Then let's go there! – Squalo grabbed Daitsu by the collar of his shirt and dragged him out.

- No… No! My… Show! Let go off me! H-help!! – Daitsuke tried to protest, but apparently to no avail. Squalo's grip was iron.

- Until next time then, please wait for the new episode of "How to piss off random Katekyo Hitman Reborn! cha… Ow, that hurts! Squalo, stop it! Let me g-go!

- VRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI! We'll find this piece of shit! I'll show him how to steal my looks!

- Actually I believe he looked like that long before you as Final Fantasy VII was out in 1996…

- VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI what was that!?

- Nothing, nothing…

* * *

~Two minutes after Daitsuke was dragged away by Squalo~

Fran: Bel-sempai, I think we have to say something…

Belphegor: Do we now, ish-ish-ish?

Fran: Yeah… I mean something happened to Daitsuke-sempai… I mean Squalo ran off somewhere and took him with him…

Belphegor: And why do I care? And I thought I was your only sempai here, froggie…

Fran: Well, I find Daitsuke very nice too…

Belphegor: That brat stole one of my favorite shirts! That's his punishment, ish-ish-ish…

Fran: I knew that shirt if his looked familiar…

Belphegor: To steal prince's clothes… How could he!?

Fran: Bel-sempai, well, it is true that you have 34 similar shirts in your wardrobe… You could share for once…

Belphegor: No way! I'm a prince! And princes do not share!

Fran: You're mean, sempai…

Belphegor: Ish-ish-ish, froggie, you better mind what you say to such a royalty like myself…

Fran: Whatever, sempai…

Belphegor: Ish-ish-ish…

Fran: Anyway, the show will go on when Daitsuke-sempai comes back.. If he comes back that is…

Belphegor: Don't call him sempai!

Fran: I'll call him what I want!

A pause.

Belphegor… Ish-ish-ish… Hey, froggie! Guess what?

Fran: What?

Belphegor: Knife! Ish-ish-ish… (several knifes to Fran's back as usual)

Fran: Sempai… You're hopeless…

_Stay tuned until the next episode of "How to piss off random Katekyo Hitman Reborn! characters show hosted by Daitsuke Hibari! Who'll be pissed off next!? Who knows…_

* * *

~Special features~

Sephiroth: Cloud, did you hear something? - elegantly blocking his opponents attack.

Cloud: Now that you say it... I think I did... Someone's... Yell?.. - Cloud stepped back a little, preparing for another hit again.

Squalo (breaking through the door): VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI!!!!!!!!!!!! Where's this pathetic trash that tries to look like me!? I'm going to kill you!

Cloud (in horror after noticing Squalo): No... Don't tell me that it's one of your insane clones again! Wasn't Kadaj enough!?

Sephiroth: I don't have any idea who he is... For real now.

Daitsuke (looking pretty bruised climbing into the room): Squalo... Wait... I'm sorry guys... (looking at Cloud and Sephiroth). Anyways... I have to say... That Katekyo Hitman Reborn does not in any way belong to me... Nor does Final Fantasy VII...

Sqalo: VRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI, what are you talking about!???? Get out of the way brat, I'm going to kill this Sephi-whatever!

Sephiroth: Excuse me!?

Squalo: I'm not going to excuse you, scum! Now die, you imposter!

With these words Squalo attacks Sephiroth with full force...

Daitsuke: I hope they won't kill each other...

Cloud: I really hope they'll kill each other...

Daitsuke: Cloud! You're supposed to be the good guy and have only nice thoughts!

Cloud: I can't help it, I guess I shouldn't have let Vincent stay at my place for too long...

Daitsuke: Anyways, kids... (pointing at fighting Squalo and Sephiroth) Don't ever try something like this at home... Unless your home has no furniture and soft walls...

Cloud: Only madhouses have such rooms...

Daitsuke: Whatever... (falling unconcios out of exaustion)

Cloud (sighting): I guess it's time to say goodbye... For now. I'll watch over the kids fight...

Sephiroth: Watch your mouth, I'm older than you!

Squalo: VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI who's the kid here!?

Cloud (facepalming himself): I swear your brothers...  


* * *

~Cast~

KHR cast:

Acting: Squalo Superbia, Lussuria, Fran, Belphegor  
Mentioned: Leviathan, Sawada Tsunayoshi

Final Fantasy VII

Cloud Strife  
Sephiroth

And the author and the active host of the "How to piss off random KHR! characters" - Daitsuke Hibari aka Daitsuke-kun.

In the next episode:

You'll now how to piss off Hibari Kyoya, discover why Daitsuke's surname is Hibari and how is he related to the strict Leader of the Disciplinary Commitee...


	2. 02

~How to piss off random Katekyo Hitman Reborn! characters by Daitsuke-kun~

#2.

"How to piss off Hibari Kyoya"

- Daitsuuukeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Oi, Daitsuuuukeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The familiar figure in red glasses and striped shirt gritted his teeth, mumbling something under his breath. Fran, who was sitting near Daitsuke, shifted uncomfortably a little further away from him - you know, the look Daitsuke had on his face was kind of scary, and Fran had already had enough stress in his life. You don't get it? Remember about Bel's knifes, people. Fran was really tired of the prince's knifes flying into him when he did nothing really. Fran wanted to die a happy married man with ten kids at the age of ninety, and certainly not now.

"..."

Well, okay, maybe he didn't want to die a happy married man... But that's not the point! The point is that Fran really didn't want to not now.

- Daitsu-sempai? Is something... Wrong?.. - He asked with caution, still not shifting back closer. Who knew how bad his mood was... Maybe he was in the mood of throwing knives like Bel-sempai, or throwing glasses at people like Xanxus-sama...

- You know, Fran, I've been hearing this strange voice in my head... - said Daitsuke helplessly, fixing his glasses darkly.

- That's not a strange voice, it's Lussuria calling you for lunch or whatever...

- No! I hear his voice too, I mean... Quite... Annoying... Voice... - Daitsu's brow twitched. Eye followed after the brow. Now they were twitching in perfect harmony, and Fran was fascinated.

- Don't get fascinated, it's nothing. - Daitsuke scowled, turning away, blushing a bit.

"..."

- I'm not blushing! - He yelled suddenly.

Fran blinked.

- Daitsu-sempai, I didn't say you blushed... But really, you did?.. - asked the froggie teen curiously. Daitsu's brow started twitching again.

- That's because of that stupid voice in my head, dammit... Get out of there, you asshole! - Daitsu yelled, shaking his head. Actually, he was scaring Fran now... Maybe he was possessed by Mukuro, acting like this all of a sudden...

- Oi, Daitsuke-sempai, are you sure that you're okay? Really okay?

- I'm not posessed by anyone you idiot! Just stop being in my head or shut up already! - Daitsuke shouted on top of his lungs. The froggie teen swore windows gave a shattering sound for a second...

- You're weird, sempai. - Commented Fran as he stood up and decided to leave.

- VRRRROOOOOOIIII, who's yelling louder then me here!? - shouted Squalo's voice from the kitchen. Considering Squalo was downstairs and Daitsu and Fran were on the third floor of the Varia residence and the yell was heard even outside miles and miles away, Fuuta was truly right when he ranked the white-haired Sephiroth look-alike the loudest among the mafia....

- Shut up already, stupid voice in my head! You're driving me nuts! - yelled Daitsu once again. Poor creature...

- I'm not a creature dammit! You better stop making stupid comments and show yourself!

Something materialized in Daitsu's hands. Fran stopped at the door, looking worriedly at the boy; who knew what it was, he could end up killing himself... Or killing Fran. Who knew what was there on that mind of his?..

Fran considered going to Daitsu and checking what the think was, or walking the hell away from him. Being naturally a kind-hearted person he thought of accepting the first one, but being already poisoned by Bel's nastyness made him think about just walking away...

So, being the Fran he was, he picked the variant that was a mix of the two - he stayed near the door and asked:

- Daitsuke, what are you hoding there?

Looking closely he sighted in relief (or maybe with discontent, he wasn't actually against Daitsuke killing himself) when he saw a microphone in his hands.

- Just ignore the voice and it'll go away... Ignore the voice and it'll go away... - repeated Daitsuke like a mantra.

- Oi, sempai, what are you mumbling there?

Daitsu lift his head and smiled such a bright and happy smile, that Fran suddenly wanted to shove the light bulb in Daitsu's mouth - to see if it will light or not.

- We're starting the show now, Fran, so be a good boy and go call Lussuria! Say I'll have lunch later and tell him he's needed as an operator now! No - i-m-m-e-d-i-a-t-e-l-y! - Daitsu laughed and Fran cringed.

- Even Bel-sempai laughs better than you...

- Go now! - Ordered Daitsu. His face darkened, a crazy smile crossing his features, his eyes turning red for a moment... At least Fran thought so. If it weren't the mushrooms he had today for breakfast. - Or I shall bite you to death!

Fran sighted and finally walked out of the room, mumbling something about "copypasts", "Why do I have to do this job, I'm not even payed for this" and "I wonder if Bel-sempai is going to kill him for taking his shirt".

When Fran went away, Daitsuke sighted and closed his eyes.

- Jeeez, no rest for the wicked... What was that voice I wonder... Yare-yare... Well, never mind, better do my job today, since the director is seriously thinking of cutting my salary...

When Lussuria waltzed in with a camera, he had a scowl on his face.

- Daitsuke-chan, you know, it's not to healthy for a little boy like you not to eat in time! You can get some nasty illnessess!

- Uruse, Lussuria... Just turn on the camera...

- Haaaaai!

- Whatever...

* * *

- Ohaio minna! You're watching "How to piss of random Katekyo Hitman Reborn! characters show hosted by Daitsuke-kun" and I'm your host Daitsuke Hibari!

- Oi, and I still don't know what Katekyo... Whatever is... - Sweatdropped Lussuria.

- Uruse! - Frowned Daitsu. - Anyways, guess who we'll be pissing off today!? Let me give you a hint! He's someone who we all fear! He's someone immortal, someone who can bit lots of enemies just with the two of his weapons!

- Err... I know! It's Xanxus-sama! - Yelled Lussuria enthusiastically.

- Shut up, you're ruining the show! And it's not Xanxus! He's not Varia! He's someone we all know reeeally well! I can't say more because you'll get it right away then! Okay, he has a remarkable animal as well!

- I still don't see how come it can't be Xanxus-sama...

- Uruse Lussuria! It's not him! Well, people, the last hint: H-I-B-I-R-D! Who is it!?

Awful silence hung in the air.

- You didn't dare, Daitsuke...! - started to yell Lussuria in horror. But...

- Midori tanabiku namimori no, dai naku shou naku nami ga ii... - someone's high pitched voice sang. Lussuria knew that voice, unfortunately...

- YOU DIDN'T DARE CALL HIBARI KYOYA HERE, DID YOU!?

- Yep, that I did. - Said Daitsuke happily. - Onee-san is coming! And Lussuria, don't stop filming! No matter what happens, don't press the off button until the show is over! Even if I'll be lying in the pool of my own blood!

- You said it in a such carefree manner... - Lussuria's eye twitched which though couldn't be seen because of his sunglasses.

The door opened, and a boy with raven hair wearing a dark coat with a red patch which said "The Namimori Disciplinary Committee Leader" walked in.

- Onee-san, you're just in time for the show! - greeted Daitsuke happily. And Lussuria noticed only now...

- Daitsuke, is he your... He couldn't possibly be... Your brother!?

- Thaaaats right! Kyo-kun is my little onee-san! Right, Kyo-kun?

If somebody was there, and wasn't as dense as Lussuria, he probably would've noticed something strange about Daitsuke's behavior... His smile as fake. And so was his laughing and his carefree dark was there. Dark and for it's time to come out and strike.

- So, Kyo-kun, how are you?.. - asked Daitsuke in a friendly way.

- Where is Hibird? - asked Hibari with no emotion in his shrugged.

- What, even no "Hello" for me, onee-san? You're mean, you know it?

Hibari just stared at him intently.

- Well, I thought that bringing Hibird here was fun... For the show and all... - started Daitsuke, pouting.

- I don't care. Give him back to me.

- You really love that bird, don't you, Kyo-kun?.. Well... If that's what you want...

As if from nowhere, something appeared in Daitsuke's hands... And it actually was a...

- An xbox 360 joystick!? - Lussuria nearly sat on the floor from sheer amusement.

~ Two hours later~

- Waaaay, Tekken VI is cool! Kyo-kun, I betcha this time I'll beat you with Hwoarang in one round!

- It's a pity they don't have hedgehoges there... - Said Hibary, sitting on the floor holding a joystick, familiar to Daitsuke's.

- But there is still a kangaroo and a panda!

- Kangaroo's for herbivores. Panda's too.

- Pffft, you're no fun. And still I won!

- Yeah, you did. One time out of two hundred we've already played.- Hibari was still as unemotional as ever. Daitsuke scowled and threw his joystick at him. Considering they were sitting merely sentimetres apart, it struck Hibari right in the head.

- Kamikoros. - He murderously glared at Daitsuke.

- Hiiiiiiiieeee! Sunimasen, sunimasen, Kyo-kun, I'll never do that again! - Daitsuke stood up and sat in he corner, as if he was a little kid.

- Stop that, herbivore... You're annoying me... - Sighted Hibari in exasperation. Daitsuke gave his brother the best pout he could.

- Not working. - Informed him Hibari.- And by the way, the guy who was filming... He seems asleep...

- Huh? - Daitsuke turned her head. - That IDIOT! LUSSURIA WAKE UP!!!

Let me say you, waking up to Daitsuke's yelling right in his ears wasn't pleasant.

- Oi, oi, version of Squ-sama! Stop it! - cried Lussuria. - I didn't stop filming! The camera is still on!

- Oh... - Daitsuke scratched his head, sweatdropping. - Well, still, you fell asleep on the job! I'll bite you to death!

- Stop stealing my quotes... - said Hibari. - Or I will bite YOU to death.

- Hiiiiiiiiiiie!!!!

- And stop screaming in such a herbivorish style...

- That's how Tsuna screams! I find it awfully cute!

- That's exactly what I meant - herbivorish...

- You're no fun...

- Says a herbivore.

- Meanie!

Lussuria facepalmed himself, mumbling something under his breath. Daitsuke could possibly get anyone pissed off. Even an apple. Why an apple? Cause shinigamis love apples... Okay, truly - it's not the point. The point is... The point is that Daitsuke could piss off even a non-living object.

Do apples seem living objects to you? Do they breathe? Do they talk?

*If you see a talking apple, first check if it has legs and something green on it - it can be Reborn-san.*

* * *

- Okay, Kyo-kun... Let me ask you a quiestion - what pisses you off?

Hibari glanced at him pointedly, yawning.

- Isn't it obvious? You.

- Thaaaaats not true! I know it for a fact! - Daitsuke smiled brightly.

- Who's your information source?

- Well... I guess... Kusakabe-kun?..

- Such a herbivorish resource you've got...

- But I still don't piss you off!.. Right?..

- Not correct.

- Onee-saaaan!

- Right, right. Go on with your stupid questions already so I can go away from this place full of herbivores...

- Pfft. Meanie. Anyways, why do you use these weapons, Kyo-kun? How do you call them? Tofus?

- It's tonfa's, herbivore.

- Right, tofus. Like I said!

Hibari's brow twitched. Daitsuke grinned maliciously to himself. It seems like he hit the right spot.

- It's tonfas.

- Yeah yeah. So you're using these tofus. Why them exactly?..

- It's TONFAS!

- I said that! Aneways, why do you use them in particular? Where did you get them?..

Hibari's eye continued twitching. Daitsuke continued smiling in a very malicious manner. Lussuria... Well, he just filmed.

- Tonfas are in fact an invincible weapon if you know how to use them. If they are in right hands (and I assume you, they are), they're good enough for biting someone to death.

- And what's the whole story? I mean we want to know how you got them!

Hibari just glared at his brother, clearly annoyed.

- Why does it matter?

- Come on, Kyo-kun! For the show! Pleeeeeeaaase!

- Such an annoying herbivore... - mumbled Hibari.

Honestly, first time in his life Lussuria was pitying Hibari. It seemed that Daitsuke was really determined on getting on to him. And the Varia member believed that the only matter that was stopping Hibari was that Daitsuke was his brother. Although Lussuria didn't know how long would he last.

- Oya, Daitsu-chan, maybe we can already let еру poor boy go?..

Daitsuke simply pretended he didn't hear and Hibari clearly wasn't fascinated that he was called a "little boy". The glare he gave to Lussuria made the latter squek and nearly drop the camera, and Varia's "oni-chan" swore to never pity the Dicplinary Committe Leader again.

- So, Kyo-kun, where did you get the tonfa's from?..

- I inherited them from my father, clear and simple. - Said Hibari with no emotion, as always.

Daitsuke scowled at his brother.

- Wait, I already know that! We're one family, onee-san! You were supposed to tell some cool story about your master dying a tragic death and, coughing up blood, giving you the tonfas all in red sticky horrible liquid...

- KETCHUP! - yelled Lussuria happily. As weird as it sounds, he didn't like violence. At all. And sometimes he even thought what he was doing in the Varia... That's until his cookies were starting to burn or Bel were again using a new microwave for his target practice.

- URUSE LUSSURIA! - yelled Daitsu hysterically, throwing something at the older man. Apparantely that something, unfortunately, was Hibari's cellphone.

And the minute it collided with Lussuria's forehead, it started to ring. Yes, the Namimori school anthem started to play one again. Well, what do you know... How "surprising".

The Varia member lost his consiosness, and because of that dropped the camera. It fell on the floor, fortunately didn't break, but the filming stopped.

- It's all your damn fault, Kyo-kun. - pouted Daitsuke. Hibari just coolly stood up, grabbed the phone (that was probably made from the same material as the tonfas as it wasn't damaged at all) and flipped the lid open.

- Yes, Calvallonne? - he answered casually.

- Ooooooooh, it's Dino-san! DINO-SAN, OHAIO! - she yelled. Hibari glared at his brother, but that didn't calm him at all.

- TELL DINO-SAN I SAY HIIIIIIII!!!!!

- There's no point of telling because he can hear you perfectly. You're impossible no to hear... - Sighted Hibari. - Anyways, I must get going. I've got to bite someone to death...

Obviously, Daitsuke just ignored her brother.

- DINO-SAN, TELL ENZO I SAID HI!

- Enzo is a turtle, herbivore. He wouldn't understand. - Stated Hibari.

- Enzo is not a turtle! Well, okay, he is, but he's so cool! Oi, what's that noize on the other side that even I can hear it?..

- Probably that herbivore accidentally spilled some whater on your "cool" turtle...

Daitsu giggled.

- Well, we just have to forgive him. Dino is blond after all...

- OI, I HEARD THAT DAITSUKE!- Dino's voice yelled. The show host laughed.

Shadow of a smile touched Hibari's lips as he closed the lid of the phone. Daitsuke cringed. He smiled only when something good happened or was about to happen. And translating to Hibari's language, "good" meant biting someone to death. Her brother was so violent.

- Say, Kyo-kun, why are you so happy all of a sudden?..

- Well... What would you prefer: good truth or bad truth?..

Daitsuke's puzzled expression was priceless. Too bad Lussuria was still unconcios, and the camera was stopped.

- Truth can be... Bad? And good?..

Hibari smirked.

- Oh yes, my dear. The bad truth is - I'm really pissed off right now, so the purpose of your stupid show is served for today.

- I don't see how it is bad truth...

- And a good truth is that I'm going to bite you to death right now.

- HIIIIIIIEEE!

Yes, Daitsuke. You forgot what was good and bad in your brothers dictionary. Face the consequences now.

Hibari was fast to draw his weapons out and started attacking immediately.

- You haven't changed... - smiled Daitsuke, jumping out of the way.

- Kamikoros. - smirked his brother.

- I think your words and action disagree, my dear Kyoya. Well then, let me show you how defeat tastes.

- Wow, then bring it.

- Gladly, brother.

As Daitsuke drew out his own weapons, the fight began.

* * *

~In the meantime in the monitoring room~

- VOOOOOOIII, Xanxus, it was a damn good idea to turn on the extra cameras!- The "stupid captain" yelled, shaking his fists in triumph.

- Shut up, trash, I'm watching the fight. And you're so annoyingly loud that I can't hear a thing.- Xanxus threw his half-empty glass of Lipton tea at his subordinate who somehow managed to dodge it. *Can you feel the experience?.. Squalo improved! Dodging Xanxus's glasses is a great achievement! And 100 points goes toooo... Superbia, Squalo!*

Belphegor chuckled, watching the duo. In his hands there was...

- Bel-sempai, is it a doujinshi? - asked Fran, pointing at the book Belphegor was holding.

The prince smiled in a very "friendly" manner.

- Oh, the froggy is interested? - he mocked. Fran just plainly stared at him.

- I'm just asking.

- Ish-ish-ish, remember: I don't answer stupid quiestions, my uncute friend.

- Yeah, I know that, sempai. You ask them.

Immediately several knifes found their new home in Fran's large hat.

- Stop it, sempai. You're hurting me! - Fran tried to cry, but apparently he wasn't wounded that much.

- Don't say rude things to the prince and I'll stop. - grinned Belphegor and stared in his book again, ignoring Fran.

- So sempai, is this a doujinshi? I can tell by the pictures...

- You're so smart... for a frog. But yes, it is. - Agreed Bel not lifting his gaze from the book.

- Oi, Bel-sempai, why is there a pictire of Xanxus-sama and Squalo-sama on the cover? And what's "yaoi"?..

In normal stories Bel would've certainly blushed. But in this one he didn't, becuase really - reapers don't blush. Especially prince reapers.

- Ish-ish-ish, Froggie, I'll tell you some other time... Maybe, if you behave yourself that is.

- Oh, okay sempai. - Fran shrugged and averted his gaze to the monitors where the fight between Hibari and his brother took place.

- Xanxus-sama, I brought you your glasses, just washed, cleaned and fixed! - Levi appeared on the doorstep, holding a red pillow with glasses on it. Yes, apparently glasses, with golden rim and thin lenses, quite beautiful and elegant.

Adoration he was looking at Xanxus with made Squalo's eye twitch. He glanced at Bel's book and caught the word "yaoi", written on the cover in big yellow letters. Unlike Fran, Squalo knew what yaoi meant (you know, he had this absolutely amazing ability - he knew things not quite important and was totally oblivious to something worthy), and suddenly felt sick to his stomach.

- VOIIIIIIIi, Levi, stop shining like a flashlight or I'll punch you in the face! - yelled Squalo.

Xanxus glanced strangely at his subordinate.

- Squalo... Your eye is twitching. - He said, lifting his brow.

Squalo Superbia hiccupped in amusement. It was first time in new history when Xanxus called him by his name.

Bel looked from his doujin (if he didn't lift his head it, of course, wouldn't have been noticed because of his hair) and stared at the pillow in Levi's hands.

- Ish-ish-ish, is this what I think it is? Glasses?

- Xanxus-sama wears glasses? - asked Fran in his monotone voice. But of course Bel noticed a note of curiosity in it - he was actually the only one who did. However, he didn't say anything - just grinned madly (well, in his usual manner that is...)

Without a word Xanxus walked to Levi, picked the glasses, put them on his face and kicked his subordinate out of the room (_What a beautiful manner of thanking your comrade! - exclaimed Daitsuke with tears of joy in his eyes... Yeah, genes - they're something, totally. Maybe he and his brother weren't so different after all..._). A happy cry could be heard outside, something in the lines of "I was kicked by the Boss, oh I'm so lucky!!"

- Fetishist... - Mumbled Bel before returning to his doujinshi.

- Like you're any better... - Responded Fran immediately. And got five or so knives sticking out of his froggish hat... Again.

Xanxux returned to the monitores and noticed Squalo staring at him in a very strange way. A VERY VERY VERY STRANGE WAY. Like he wanted to burn a hole through him or something.

- What is it, trash? Is something the matter or it's just you being stupid again?

Squalo was just staring. Xanxus looked behind him just in case - maybe the gaze of his subordinate was fixed on something no, there was no one behind him, so Squalo apparently was staring at him.

Xanxus hesitated in choosing between the two options - kicking his subordinate in the guts or gently waving a hand in front of him. Being who he was he thought that the first way was better, but on the other hand this ption was too old and he got already bored of it.

So he did something in between the two options - he waved a hand in front of Squalo's face and then hit his shoulder. Hard.

Squalo immediately "woke up", his expression turning from a dull one into an angry scowl.

- VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI, what was that for, Xanxus!?

- For not responding to me, trash! You have to answer when the boss is speaking! - said Xanxus in his usual manner, fixing his glasses. Squalo was about to start staring again, but Xanxus wizedly turned away, feeling his subordinate's gaze going to his face again.

- Xanxus... Are these really... Glasses? - He heard Squalo's shocked voice. And Xanxus seriously thought about marking this day red in the calendar because it was oficially the first day when Squalo said something quitely. QUITELY. Squali, Superbia.

- What's so shocking about this, trash? - he asked in a provocative manner. On the other hand, when didn't he talk in a provocative manner? It was Xanxus, after all.

- Oh... It's nothing... - mumbled Squalo. MUMBLED. SQUALO.

And no "VOOOOOI!".

And for the rest of the day he was quiet and somehow... Depressed, or thoughtful. And strangely looked at Xanxus. Oh, if Xanxus knew that would be his subordinate's reaction, he would've bought contact lenses...  


* * *

~Special features~

- Say, Reborn?

- Hm? What is it, Dame Tsuna?

- Where do you think Hibari-san went off to? I mean I haven't seen him at school today...

He saw his katekyo's smile and instantly had this feeling in his gut that Reborn knew perfectly where Hibari was, but wasn't intent on telling him. And also Sawada had a feeling that the place Hibari-san went to was to be soon shown in the local knews... Reported about serial murders or something.

- Tsuna, I think you have homework to do. - Right out from nowhere a great pile of books fell on Tsuna's head. Poor to-be Vongla Judaime fell on the floor, squealing and begging from mercy. Apparently, god didn't hear him again. Or maybe the hellish arcobaleno somehow blocked his help.... Who knew?..

- It's no time for you to worry about Hibari-san, no-good-Tsuna. What's the root from 25?

- Err... Em... 8?

- The answer is wrong...

- HIIIIE! No, Reborn, please, not dynamite!

- Too late, I already dropped it. Well, bye!

- Uh, wait, Reborn!..

But an explosion covered Vongola Judaime's another high-pitched "HIIIIE!".

Yes, Sawada Tsunayoshi aka Dame Tsuna, now was totally not the time to be thinking about Hibari-san. Really.

* * *

~Special Feature #2~

Or how Iemitsu Sawada first met with the Mafia.

Sawada Iemitsu was peacefully walking home from school. While thinking about a cute girl from the paralell class, whose name was Nana and on whom he ha a crush on for already several months, he bumped into someone.

- Oh, I'm so sorry sir...

As he lifted his eyes he was gritted by the sight of a man wearing a black tuxedo and a hat with an orange stripe on it. A man was holding a green reptile in his hands and was looking at Iemitsu like he was some interesting biological material good for an experiment.

- Ciaossu. - The man suddenly said in a quite friendly tone. Iemitsu just stepped back a little.

- Oh... Um... Er? - He said cleverly. Apparently, the blond haired boy wasn't the smart one.

Briefly glancing at the Namimori school uniform Iemitsu was wearing, the man asked:

- Do you, by any chance, know a boy named Iemitsu Sawada?

Iemitsu glomped, thinking that telling who he was wouldn't be quite right, but on the other hand, casa always told him that lying was bad, so he decided to tell the truth.

- That's... That's me, sir...

The man smirked.

- Oh, really?

- Y-yeah...- poor boy was scared shitless. He considered running, but quickly thought that the man was much faster then himself, so he denied this option. Screaming would be acceptable, but then, he could get killed...

- Then you're lucky, Iemitsy. Starting this moment, I'm your official katekyo. Reborn. - He introdiced himself with a smile close to a grin. Somehow Iemitsu had a feeling that this man knew who he was from the start.

- Hiiiie? - He said just like Tsuna in a very "clever-like" manner.

- The CEDEF need a new boss, and you're perfect for the job, also considering that you have the Vongola blood within you. Your training starts... - Reborn glanced at the clock. - In two minutes, just about now.

- HIIIIE!? - Iemitsu wasn't understanding a thing. Vongola? CEDEF!? What the hell, seriously?..

All of a sudden about 20 people appeared in the distance; they were running and screaming something unpleasant, and apparently, they screamed at... Him. And they were holding weapons - guns and other... Quite harmful things.

- Hiiiiiie! What should I do!? Why are they running at me!? - Iemitsu screamed. He wanted to run again, but apparently, 20 or so grown-ups would get him in no time...

- Hmm... I see you've got problems, baka Sawada. Well, let me help you. - the green reptile on Reborn's hat that Iemitsu didn't notice before transformed into a gun.

- Wait... What are you going to do!? - he started to panick. - Don't shoot me! I'm innocent! Help me!

The crowd was nearing them. Reborn smirked.

- Defeat them with your dying will, Iemitsu!

And he pulled the trigger. The bullet landed right between Iemitsu's eyes ad he fell, lying there for a moment. Epic silence. And then...

- RE-BORN! - the already familiar process with ripping of Iemitsu's clothes off and revealing his black underwear with greencrocodiles.

- I WILL RUN AWAY WITH MY DYING WILL!

Reborn grinned in amusement as Iemitsu started running away from the angry crowd, the dying will flame bright glowing orange on his forehead.

- Well, it wasn't quite a reaction I was hoping I would get... Well, that's good enough too. - said the man, putting the gun away.

Apparently, he coul care less Iemitsu was running around in only his embarassing underwear.

Well, that was Reborn after all.  


* * *

~Cast~

KHR cast:

Acting: Squalo Superbia, Lussuria, Fran, Belphegor, Levi, Xanxus, Sawada Tsunayoshi, Reborn, Iemitsu Sawada, Hibari Kyoya (and Hibird as well), Dino (somehow)  
Mentioned: Nana Iemitsu, Enzo... Tell me if I forgot someone here.

And the author and the active host of the "How to piss off random KHR! characters" - Daitsuke Hibari aka Daitsuke-kun.

See you in the next episodeб where we'll discover how the fight with Hibari Kyoya ended, why Xanxus wears glasses and... Something interesting indeed!  



End file.
